


Can I Still Keep A Place In Your Heart?

by xqueerhq



Series: “Hanging From A Cliff” [2]
Category: Avatar: Legend of Korra
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Blood and Gore, Disability, F/F, F/M, I'm sorry., I'm still bad at tags, It's gonna have cliffhangers, Korrasami - Freeform, Korrasami is Canon, Major Character Injury, Rollercoaster ride of a story, Sequel, Violence, so sorry not sorry, that's what you get for reading a series called hanging from a cliff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-04
Updated: 2020-08-28
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:14:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,065
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25702660
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xqueerhq/pseuds/xqueerhq
Summary: Sequel toTaken Hostage (By My Own Guilty Conscience)^^^Should probably read this one first as this story is a direct follow up to the final chapter and will make zero sense on its own.Their entire relationship was built on lies and deceit. Now Korra and Asami will go through the trial and tribulations of their new found truths while trying to navigate their relationship after everything's that happened.T/W: Violence, Blood and Gore.
Relationships: Bolin/Opal (Avatar), Korra/Asami Sato, Lin Beifong/Kya II
Series: “Hanging From A Cliff” [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1858594
Comments: 15
Kudos: 68





	1. Smashed Into Pieces

**Author's Note:**

> _I've been shattered and wrecked,  
>  My hands covered in blood;  
> Scars on my skin.  
> I forgot how to feel.  
> Now I'm weak with deceit.  
> My skin is paper thin.  
> _

Harbor City was quiet as Asami pulled into a small village. After escaping from Misty Palms Oasis, Asami has asked Korra if she had a doctor she trusted that wasn’t Kya. All she muttered was her old doctor, Katara, in Harbor City, and promptly passed back out. During their drive, Asami made sure to reach over and feel for a pulse in Korra’s neck from time to time.

The city was dark, the moonlight giving small amounts of light to the snow covered ground. She looks around, spotting a small Red Cross over a large hut and parks in front of it, the snow crunching under the car tires. As soon as the ignition is shut off, Korra’s eyes burst open, hands over her ears and a pained look on her face.

“Ahh!” She practically screams. “Why is it so loud!?”

“Korra?” Asami says softly, but it’s overtaken by Korra’s screaming.

“Stop yelling at me!” Korra grimaces in pain. “AHH, FUCK!”

“Shit.” Asami deadpans, hurrying out of the car and running over to Korra’s side. She swings the door open and pulls a half limp Korra out of the car, her hands still pressed tightly against her ears. “Come on, we need to get you inside.”

Overwhelmed, Asami rushes the both of them inside, Korra groaning in extreme pain.

“I need Dr. Katara!” Asami hectically says to a small nurse in the front. “Immediately.”

The nurse nods and walks behind a curtain, an old woman following her out.

“Hi, I’m Dr. Wan—“ Katara stops speaking when she sees who’s cradled in Asami’s arms. “Korra?”

“Dr. Wan?” Asami gasps under her breath, eyes wide. “Oh fuck. You’re Tenzin’s mom and her grandmother!?”

“I am. What happened?”

“Head injury.” Asami replies as Katara helps them into the back of the hospital. “She’s been in and out of consciousness for about 6 hours. She started screaming that things were loud as soon as we got here.”

“IT’S TOO LOUD!”

They get her on a hospital bed, and Katara looks over Korra; shocked at the dried blood and bruises painting her skin. “I’m gonna need more than that.”

“You can’t tell Tenzin, or Kya. Please, she asked to come here but I didn’t know you were related.”

“She may not be my blood, but she is my granddaughter and I want to know what really happened.”

* * *

She spent four hours in the waiting room, four long excruciating hours. Four hours to think about everything; to think of the lies she’s told, of the way that she felt, of the anxiety of Korra’s condition, of where their future was headed. She had promised Korra the moon and stars, but all she provided was a life on a cliff that was edging too close to the drop. It was honestly overwhelming.

She wished she could have told Katara right then and there everything, but there was unfortunately no time for pleasantries or uncomfortable dancing around the truth. Korra’s condition had started declining fast and Katara worked tirelessly to find the cause.

Soon enough, Katara had found a broken piece of skull that had cut through her dura and arachnoid mater, causing a hemorrhage and what was the cause of the loud, piercing noise only Korra could hear. Katara had done emergency surgery to stop the bleeding and inserted a plate to fix the broken part of her skull.

It worried Asami to no end and she was thankful that she had found Zaheer and Korra when she did, even if she felt like she was a little too late.

Asami’s pacing the small room that Korra was in, biting her nails and watching the monitors. The nervousness settles in the pit of her stomach, when a voice behind her causes her to jump.

“I haven’t seen my granddaughter in four years, and this is never how I imagined it would be.” Katara says solemnly.

“I’m sorry.” Asami’s voice is soft, just above a whisper, her fingers toying with the ring. “I’m sorry I let this happen. I—I couldn’t keep her safe.”

“I want to believe you, but while she rests I think it’s time you tell me the story from the start.”

And Asami did just that. She explains a bit about The White Lotus, how she met Korra, how Zaheer thought it would be a good idea to keep an eye on Korra through their relationship. She confessed how she fell for Korra and tried so hard to tell her the truth, but that the same threats Zaheer had thrown towards Korra, he threw towards her. How she knew that he was starting to go off the rails, but feared for their safety that she let him grow power hungry, so she went to Ba Sing Se to create one of the smallest GPS trackers known to man. How she left clues for Korra to find; telling her to park in the parking garage at Future Industries, having an engine built for her motorcycle so she HAD to see the locked drawer on the toolbox, leaving the lights on in her office so Korra would find the passage. Every calculated move, every subtle hint. How they still might be in danger and that’s why she doesn’t want anyone in Republic City to know, how Zaheer might not have been the end of their worries.

And Katara listened with an open ear and mind, doing her best to understand the situation. She felt sadness in her heart as Asami described how much better off Korra would’ve been if she had let her break up with her a month into things. How Korra may not have been on the brink of death. How they both wouldn’t have to live with the guilt of lying to each other. How her hands were covered in more blood than Korra’s. How she wasn’t this wholesome, good person that Korra thought she was.

And she listens to how Asami thinks the world of Korra, but how Asami doesn’t believe that she deserves Korra. How Korra lied to keep her safe, how she let Korra live with that same unsettling conscience that plagued her. Katara watches as the ring slips off her finger, being held in a tight fist, imagining the imprint on her palm. The pain in Asami’s eyes breaks her heart.

Asami’s standing next to Korra’s bedside, hand still tightly gripping the ring. She hovers over Korra about to let the ring fall when she feels a hand on her shoulder.

“Stay.” Katara says.

“She deserves better.”

“She deserves to know the truth, the truth you told me. Not the truth she thinks she knows.” Katara replies, feeling the tension in Asami’s shoulder loosen.

“But she doesn’t ne—“

“Ah, ah.” Katara interrupts. “Whether you believe it or not, she needs you. She would be dead if it weren’t for you. You deserve a second chance.”

“But second chances can be weapons...” Asami tries to reason.

“She clearly loved you enough to give you that ring in your palm. Wear it proudly, and stay.” Katara offers a genuine smile, pulling up a chair for Asami to sit in while she waited for Korra to wake up.

Asami nods, sitting down in the chair and slipping the ring back on her finger. “Okay.”

* * *

An hour passes and Asami’s head was laying face first on the hospital bed, hands clutching the blanket that covered Korra’s body. Exhaustion had taken over and all she wanted to do was rest her eyes. A small stir in the bed brings her back, lifting her head and seeing Korra with half lidded eyes staring down at her.

“Asami?” Korra croaks out from a dry throat, eyes gazing towards the ring, her hand moving to point at it. “You never answered my question...”

There’s a brief moment of silence while Asami tries to figure out what to say. They didn’t have time to have a conversation on where their relationship stood after everything that had transpired. Were they still together? Does Asami even deserve to spend her life with someone like Korra while her hands were covered in more blood? Would Korra be better off with or without her?

She sighs loudly, about to reply when Korra speaks up.

“How’s Naga?”

And then Asami’s laughing with tears rolling down her cheeks. Even after all the shit they had been through, Korra was still being her usual, goofy self.

“She’s with Bolin and Opal.” Asami presses her lips in a tight smile. “Do you remember anything?”

“I mean a lot of it is like uh—“ Korra stops, a quizzical look on her face. “Broken pieces? Is that how I say that? Or is it blurry? I don’t know.”

“I think either works.”

“I remember uh—motorcycle went *cartoon falling whistle tone* and I fell.” Korra makes a strained face as if she’s trying extremely hard to think. “I can’t—I can’t explain it. My brain isn’t processing things.”

“It’s because you had a traumatic brain injury, my darling.” Katara smiles as she enters the room. “You may have some cognitive and other setbacks due to the injury.”

“Grandma!?” Korra gasps loudly. “When did you get here?”

“I’ve been here, Korra. You’re in Harbor City. Asami brought you to me after your incident.”

“Whoa cool.”

“Korra, I need to be blunt with you. You suffered a pretty serious brain injury. We had to do surgery to stop the bleeding and put a plate in. Cognitively, you may have trouble understanding or processing thoughts. Things may take longer for you to comprehend. This may lead to some behavioral outbursts such as rage and anger, or something as small as uncontrollable laughing or irritability. You may also have dizziness or fainting spells.” Katara explains. “I’ve been brushing up Asami on what to expect, but I want to keep you here for at least another day to monitor you. It shouldn’t be permanent, but TBIs are hit or miss.”

Korra’s mouth hangs wide open, the cogs in her brain failing to connect the words. “I don’t get it but okay.”  
  
Her hand moves to her head, specifically, the spot Katara had shaven on the right side and feels around, a gauze pad covering her staples.  
  
“Korra, it’d be best if you _don’t_ touch your incision.” Katara warns and Korra makes a grumpy face. “Just because it’s covered doesn’t mean it’s good for you to go around touching it.”  
  
“But I wanna know if I look like one of those indie front-women!” Korra whines, causing a chuckle from both Katara and Asami. “Do I look like one? They have cool hair.”  
  
“Whatever you say, sweetheart.” Katara shakes her head with a smile on her face, heading towards the door. “I’ll leave you two alone for now.”  
  
“Okay! Bye grandma!” Korra replies, beaming.

She then looks over at Asami, “So... have a lot to talk about, huh?”

Asami nods sadly. “Yeah, we do...”

“I’m kinda mad at you.” Korra starts, leaning forward so she was sitting up a little more straight.

“I know.”

“Because you lied to me and knew that I was lying to you.”

“I know...”

“But like when my brain works a little better, I want to talk about it.”

“Yeah?”

“Mhmm.” Korra nods and points to the ring again. “It looks good on you.”

“Oh, uh...” Asami tries her best to smile before looking down at the bed. “Thank you.”

“I had it for like six months.” Korra holds up both of her hands, putting fingers up and then down, eventually ending up with eight fingers in the air.

Asami looks back, “You did?”

“Yeah.” Korra shrugs before starting to sway back and forth. “I, uh— whoa dizzy.”

Asami shoots up from her chair and places her hands on Korra’s shoulders. “Here, just lie back and rest. We can talk, later okay?”

Asami gently lowers Korra down on to the bed, giving her hand a soft squeeze before returning to her chair. Korra yawns loudly and closes her eyes.

“I need to sleep some more”

“I’ll be right here if you need anything.” Asami reassures. “I’m not going anywhere.”

Korra nods before falling back asleep, light snore coming from her mouth. Asami watches her, thumb caressing Korra’s knuckles as she slept. She still felt the innate need to leave, and let Korra live out the rest of her life without the baggage of their lies, but she remembers what Katara said and stays.

“I don’t see love like yours often, but it sure is a sight when I do.” Katara breaks the silence from behind Asami, causing her to scare.

“Holy shit!” Asami gasps out. “You scared me.”

“I’m sorry about that,” Katara says sincerely. “But I think it’s time we stopped dancing around the pleasantries, and you could tell me how the hell both of you got involved in killing people.”


	2. Je Me Souviens (I Remember)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Felt it start to slip away.  
>  All the schemes were made and plotted,  
> All the rules have been forgotten, now.  
> I made it by the skin of my teeth again this time._
> 
> _I'm waiting, still waiting  
>  To get away and make a change.  
> Seasons last forever in this phase._
> 
> _Forget your heart.  
>  It's weighing you down inside as you confide your life to someone else  
> Maybe we're scared to be alone,  
> We're not prepared to throw the stones,  
> And watch them drift out of our control. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: violence/death

Asami was 10 the first time she met him at the hospital when he showed up and pulled her father out of her mother’s room. She’ll remember that face, the rage and pain in her father’s eyes as he solemnly opens the door and walks back into the room when HE left. She remembers HIS face, the man who essentially killed her mother. She remembers that face, those glaring eyes, that twisted smile, every line and contour. Her father became reclusive after that day.

She remembers that face every year of her life. She goes to college and comes home, and 12 years later that face is in her house, to talk, he said. She remembers her father’s behavior declining after that. She remembers her father offhandedly mentioning that he wished HE was dead.

She remembers his face when she’s pointing the barrel of a gun at his head. The lack of remorse, the contorted, twisted features. She remembers his voice, his cackle, his eyes rolled back in his skull when she delivers the bullet that ends his life. She remembers his blood pooling around the office as she digs through his files: the RCPD, the mayor, lawyers... all under his belt. She remembers his blueprints to bring chaos and dictatorship to Republic City, to rule.

That FACE and that MAN, changed her life forever. He was the reason she started The White Lotus.

Asami’s been in her car for the last hour after telling Katara the origin story of the White Lotus. She had stolen files from Zaheer, but had not looked through them, as time to find Korra had been running out.

She flips through the pages and sees HIS face. Tarrlok.

There were letters of correspondence, between the two: to infiltrate Future Industries and get them on board with creating super weapons for Republic City. She thinks back to her dad, who went mad, who did in fact build super weapons, not for Republic City, but against it. How he became the threat she promised to eliminate.

Her father could still be alive if it wasn’t for him.

Asami’s fist slams against the steering wheel in anger. How could she have not known that Zaheer was really only there to take over? She considered him a friend at one point, and he used that to his advantage. Had she known he was working for Tarrlok, she would’ve put an end to things sooner. She wouldn’t have let it get this far. Then she thinks about Korra. How she distinctly remembers Zaheer telling both of them to pursue their relationship. Was it the plan along? To keep their lives occupied with guilt and deceit long enough for him to enact his plans under their nose? Of course, they wouldn’t have known better either. They were both so wrapped up in each other and the lies they were telling to even notice.

And now Korra’s in the hospital with a traumatic brain injury that may affect her for the rest of her life. And Asami could have stopped it if she had just paid attention. If she hadn’t let her despise for Tarrlok cloud her mind. Maybe she was right all along, maybe Korra deserved better than her.

A soft tap on the glass of her window shakes her from the thoughts plaguing her mind. She looks over and sees Katara with a solemn smile on her face, staring at her tear stained cheeks.

She sighs loudly, rolling the window down.

“Are you doing okay?” Katara’s sweet voice rings in her ears.

Asami scoffs and shakes her head. “Do I look okay?”

“No...” Katara pauses, “but it never hurts to ask. Do you want to talk about it?”

Asami’s staring down at her lap, knowing that she can’t face Katara at this moment. “No matter how much I tell the truth, how honest I am with her or myself or you, I keep coming up with the same conclusion: Korra deserves better than me.”

“Asami—“

“I caused all of this. My need for revenge almost cost Korra her whole life. And I just don’t think there’s any forgiving that.”

“That’s not up for you to decide, though. It’s her decision.”

“It should have been me...” Asami can feel her voice trembling and the tears start to well back up. “I—should have been the one Zaheer went after, not her. She’s been through so much and it’s all my fault. I couldn’t stop it, I couldn’t stop him. I was blind and now I can see everything so clearly. If it wasn’t for me, she wouldn’t be hurt.”

“But she also wouldn’t be happy. She’s written me so many times about you, about your relationship. How you made the dark around her seem light.”

“That was before she knew the truth...” Asami finally looks up and over at Katara.

“That may be, but I don’t think it changes how she feels in her heart, Asami.” Katara offers a soft smile.

“Why are you so understanding about this whole… killing people thing? Like, no offense, but you just seem rather _chill_ about it.” Asami raises an eyebrow.  
  
Katara sighs loudly. “I have a friend who would at one point in his life do _anything_ that he could to please his father; whether that meant hurting other people, hurting me, hurting his friends. But… he changed eventually. Just like I know you both can. While I do not condone the whole 'murdering people thing', it’s in your past, and I know that you can move past this. I know that you, like my friend, can change for the better.”  
  
“I literally killed someone like a day ago, what makes you think that I can really change?”

“It’s still in the past isn’t it? And from what you told me, you’ve been trying to do the right thing for years, but were afraid of the consequences. Once again, killing people, not cool, but you _can_ change, you’ve already started.” Katara offers a genuine smile. “Now please, come inside. It’s cold and I assume Korra will wake up soon. And just as I know she will, all I’m asking you to do is follow your heart.”

* * *

Korra wakes up in an empty room and feels her heart drop. Asami had said that she would stay, but she was nowhere to be found. Her head was pounding and she presses the ‘call’ button on the remote for assistance.  
  
Katara enters the room and smiles gently at her granddaughter, walking over to her bedside and placing her hand on Korra’s.  
  
“What’s going on, dear?”  
  
“My head is killing me…” Korra groans. “Is there anything you can do to make it stop?”  
  
“I can give you a small dose of morphine, but I’m not keeping you on a full drip.” Katara replies, heading over to the small counter. She loads a sterile syringe with a small dosage of morphine before heading back to Korra and injecting it into her IV. “Anything else on your mind while I’m here?”  
  
“Where’s Asami?”  
  
Katara sighs. “I knew you’d ask that. She’s been in her car for the last few hours. I tried getting her to come back in, but she’s really upset right now. She told me everything and I think she’s just having a hard time believing that she should be in here right now. Though, I told her that she needs to tell you because you deserve the truth.”  
  
“She told you? She told you and not me?” Korra shakes her head. “Why won’t she tell me?”  
  
“She will, I assure you. I just think she needs some time. She’s really torn up about everything.”  
  
“Well, can you tell me?” Korra asks.  
  
Katara shakes her head. “It’s not my place to tell you, it’s hers. You must respect that.”  
  
“I just can’t believe after everything we’ve been through, everything I’ve been through that she couldn’t just face me.” Korra replies in disbelief. “I thought she loved me.”  
  
“She _does_ love you and that’s why it’s so hard on her. Korra, she doesn’t think that she deserves you, that you deserve better.” Katara tries to sympathize. “She told the bigger lie, and right now, in your condition, she is probably being very cautious of not only her feelings, but yours.”  
  
“It’s just not fair.” Korra huffs out. “I’ve felt like shit for so long not being able to tell her, and she knew. She knew I was lying and still never said anything.”  
  
“She tried, sweetheart.” Katara grabs Korra’s hand and gives it a reassuring squeeze. “I promise you, she tried. That’s all I can offer right now, everything else you have to hear from her, when she’s ready.”  
  
“Do you think we’ll ever recover from this?”  
  
“That depends on if you decide to truly listen to what she has to say, to understand where she is coming from.” Katara smiles. “You may never go back to the way things used to be before this all started, but I believe that you may be able to do it. But this is just speculation. I want to know one thing though.”  
  
“What’s that?”  
  
“You lied to her, yet you still wanted to marry her.” Katara starts. “Why is that?”  
  
“Because I love her. I keep looking back on what I can at this moment of the last three years and I’d give it all up just to be with her. I risked my life, our life, just to stay with her. She’s my whole entire world and I couldn’t imagine not knowing her or being with her. We just… we just are… ya know?”  
  
“I do know. And she risked it all for you, too. Remember that when you get the chance to talk to her.”

* * *

Asami eventually listened, she followed her heart and it led her back to Korra’s bedside a few hours later. However, this time, the ring was off of her finger. Maybe she wanted to see if the memory would fade, but it never did. The memories of the past three years kept flooding back into the forefront of her mind. All of the things that she did wrong, all of the blood on her hands never washed clean. Every cold and calculated move that caused all of the chaos that she had been so desperately trying to avoid had plagued her mind. The echoes of gunshots of the people she had killed rang through her ears, the looks of their faces burned into her brain. How would she ever get past this? And more importantly, how would Korra ever forgive her?  
  
Asami closes them, taking a deep breath as she reopens them to the image of a sleeping Korra in the hospital bed she’s sitting in front of.  
  
“I’m sorry I never told you the truth.” Asami breathes out, as if Korra was awake and listening to her. “Honestly, I can’t pretend there’s any truth to me, it was all just revenge and greed. And I never wanted you to turn out just like me; another fraud, another fake.”  
  
She swallows the lump that’s settled in her throat, looking down at the blanket on the bed. “I realize now how undeserving of you that I am. You’re in a better place without me. And I just—I don’t know what to do. Everything is changing and I’m scared to death, but you don’t deserve to be dragged down with me.”  
  
She lets out a small, exasperated chuckle. “Maybe I’m just overthinking or overreacting to all of this... but if it weren’t for me, you wouldn’t be here.”  
  
“I wouldn’t have met you, either.” Korra’s voice speaks up, and Asami’s eyes flick upwards to see that Korra was awake and staring at her hand. "You're not wearing the ring, anymore..."  
  
"I... yeah, it didn't feel right, not until we figure things out. I just don't want to add confusion to the already fucked up situation."  
  
"That's fair, I guess." Korra shrugs. "Can I say something though? If it weren't for whatever reason you started the White Lotus, I wouldn't have met you. And I remember that from the first moment I saw your face, that I could never look away. And I think I’d go through hell and back if it meant I got to know you, or be with you.”  
  
“You don’t know that, Korra.” Asami shakes her head, tears welling up in her eyes. “I put you through hell. You may have been lying to me, but I knew your truth. I lied to you and you had no idea for three years! I let my feelings for you cloud my judgement and you almost died because of me. You deserve better.”  
  
“How do you know?”  
  
“Because I almost got you killed. I put you and your family in danger all because of some stupid plot for revenge. I had you kill my own father because he drove himself mad with revenge as well. I’m no better than he is. I should’ve been the one in your position.”

“I think that’s for me to decide, though.” Korra speaks up. “And since you told my grandma everything, I think it’s only fair that you do the same for me and let me make up my own mind.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Baby cliffhanger.  
> Still a little unsure of where this story is going, but I'm going to take the next week to come up with a better plan for each chapter and how this story is to unfold. 
> 
> Thanks for sticking with me.  
> If you read my other story, Drove Me Wild, I'm also trying to get that one written, but I've been struggling a bit! All the apologies


	3. In A Place of Solace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Newly risen, how brightly you shine.  
>  Something seems to give inside my heart when you're nearby.  
> All I've given to you is faking eyes,  
> I don't understand, I can't figure it out, I can't figure it._
> 
> _On a park bench by the street, at the forty-third degree  
>  I'll sit and watch the snow fall and think.  
> If these walls could tell the tale and excuse to no avail,  
> Will you ever begin to forgive me again, to forgive me now? _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is emotionally heavy, so buckle in.

Korra’s head was spinning as she tried her best to give Asami her undivided attention, to truly listen and try to understand where she was coming from. But it proved harder as the story went on, little details lost in the mess of her brain trying to process everything. Maybe it was the weight of everything she’s heard so far, or maybe it was the brain injury. She chalked it up to be a mixture of the two. Asami had been nothing but honest, Korra could see it in her emerald eyes that were glistened with tears, but she was having trouble with it. She still had so many questions that needed answers, answers that she knew could change everything, but yearned to know.

It began to become too much for her, and she had politely asked Asami for time alone to try and let everything sink in. Asami had pressed her lips together and nodded before exiting the room, and Korra could instantly feel the emptiness and silence. But she needed to be alone with her jumbled thoughts, and she didn’t know how much more she could take before her injured brain exploded.

And she didn’t know what to think, at first. If she could stand, she knew she would’ve felt the ground be pulled out from underneath her. The weight of their situation crushed down on her and she had no idea what to do from here. Because there was Asami; honest, loving Asami who had lied to her their whole relationship and yet Korra still thought of her as a saint. And Asami saw herself as the worst person on the planet, Korra could hear it in her small, hollow voice. But she did it to keep them safe, just as Korra had lied under the impression that she was doing the same exact thing.

But then the realization that this was bigger than just Korra settles in. Asami had started the White Lotus to enact her revenge. She had become her father, in a sense, letting her rage and anger manifest into something deadly.

And then, just like clockwork, another realization hits all at once, like a train. Asami never _had_ to meet Korra, never _had_ to ask her out to dinner... she never _had_ to let themselves fall for each other, but she did. And that’s where Korra’s confusion was stemming from. Why? Why did she let it happen? What would’ve happened if they never met in person, and Asami had just stayed her boss and nothing more?

She doesn’t want to think about it, though. Because while their situation was completely fucked up, the love that Korra felt for Asami was life changing, and ever growing. Asami was the only one in the dark that Korra could see. She was the lopsided smile on Korra’s face, the warmth in her heart, the twinkle in her eyes, the butterflies in her stomach. She tries to imagine her life for the last three years without Asami and she just can’t see anything good. Because Asami was everything good in her life, even if it wasn’t conventional.

Now, if only she could make Asami see it the same way she did.

* * *

“You look like you need sleep and food.” Katara mentions as Asami sits quietly in the waiting room. “Take a break, explore the city.”

“I just want to be here if she decides she wants to see me again.” Asami sighs. Not that she was counting, but it had been twelve minutes since she left Korra’s room after telling her the story from the beginning. Not that she was counting, though.

“And you will be, but later. How long have you been up?”

“28 hours.”

“And she’s been here for 12 of those, and only been awake for 2 hours. I think you need to take a break.” Katara places a hand on Asami’s shoulder. “I’ll call you when she’s ready, okay?”

“Okay.”

They say their goodbyes and Asami heads outside. The afternoon air was crisp and cool, a wind piercing cold across her face. She sighs loudly as she gets in her car and stares out the windshield. She turns the engine over and waits for the car to heat up before heading into the city.

She had settled for a small little cafe that Korra had mentioned once, Pakku’s Cafe which compared to Narook’s Seaweed Noodlery that they had in Republic City. She got seaweed noodles to go, one of Korra’s favorite dishes, and then found herself on a park bench on a hill, overlooking the street.

She silently ate her food and stared down at the snow-covered road below her. It felt a lot like their vacation on Kyoshi Island where they had sat on a cliff and watched the ocean below, and Asami can’t believe that it was only a couple weeks ago that they had spent their time there, no cares or worries in the world. But everything was different now.  
  
_“It’s just… we’re still learning things about each other, even after three years. I’m scared that you’ll unlock some deep, repressed trauma of mine that I may be completely unaware of and it’ll change things.”_ _  
  
**“Korra, listen to me. Nothing you say or do, or nothing that you have ever been in your life is going to change the way I feel about you.”**_

The memory replays in her mind on repeat, haunting every peak and canyon in her brain. The little subtle nuances that she would drop to try and have some semblance of not flat out lying to Korra their entire relationship. Saying things like ‘nothing would change how I feel about you’ or ‘no matter what life throws at us, we’ll make it through’ or ‘I’m not going anywhere’. She had meant every word of it, of course, but she couldn’t outright tell Korra that she knew her secrets. The fear of Zaheer coming after Korra was too much for her to bear, so she stuck to the subtlety hoping that her girlfriend would pick up on it, sooner rather than later. It was just unfortunate that it was later.

She sighs as she pulls her phone out and admires her lock screen. The photo that Korra had taken from the album, the one of them on the Ferris wheel, filled up the screen. Asami can feel the tears rolling down her cheek as the sobs overtake her. She had teared up here and there, but she never had let herself fully cry until now. The screen on her phone goes blank and her tears drop onto it as she sobs uncontrollably, hugging her arms around her body.

Her phone vibrates and she tries to catch her breath as she unlocks it.

**[Kuvira 13:17]:** **_have you found her?  
_****[Asami 13:19]:** Yes, I found her. In pretty bad shape, I’ll tell you more later. I need to ask something from you, though..  
**[Kuvira 13:20]: _yeah, whatever you need, I’m here for you  
_****[Kuvira 13:20]: _PS glad she’s alive  
_****[Asami 13:22]:** Me too… I need you to run recon on Zaheer’s files. Anything you can find on a Red Lotus? Need to know if there’s any potential threat when… if we decide to come back to Republic City  
**[Kuvira 13:25]:** **_ok, I’ll run the files and keep you posted_**

She had been thankful for Kuvira, honestly thankful. She had explained to Korra that aside from Zaheer, Kuvira was the only other person who knew. She had been there since the beginning when Asami had found out that Tarrlok was trying to get Metal Clan and Future Industries under his belt to rule Republic City. They had formed a mutual truce, keeping up the appearances of being competitors, but got rid of all of Tarrlok’s minions together. Kuvira was the one who found Korra and brought her in to be a member of The White Lotus after Asami has screened her. She was glad to call Kuvira a friend even if she couldn’t do so publicly since that was their agreement.

Asami sighs loudly and checks the clock, again. It had only been an hour since she left the hospital and her nerves were acting up. She wanted so badly to keep talking to Korra, to figure out where they stood on everything, but Korra needed time and she respected that. She knew that Korra’s forgiveness would be hard to earn back. Hell, she hasn’t even forgiven herself for the lies that she’s told. She only hoped that Korra understood her point of view, and that maybe, just maybe, they could save their fractured relationship.

“It sure is pretty out here, isn’t it?” A voice comes from behind Asami and she jumps fiercely up from the bench.  
  
“Jesus fucking Christ, you scared me.” Asami scolds, glaring at a man who is standing behind the bench with his hand on the wood.  
  
“I’m sorry, ma’am. That wasn’t my intention. It’s not often I find someone sitting out here. It’s where I come to think and longingly stare into the distance.” He says, gesturing towards the spot at the opposite end on the bench. “Do you mind?”  
  
“No, go ahead. I was just about to leave anyway.” Asami looks back at her phone, wishing Katara would call her back to the hospital.  
  
“Thank you.” The man sits down and rests his left leg on top of his right. He looks up at Asami, seeing that she is slightly annoyed at his presence. “If I’m imposing on your thinking time, by all means, I can leave.”

“No, no.” Asami exhales loudly. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to come off so callous. I just have a lot of shit going on.”  
  
“Don’t we all?” He chuckles, leaning back with his hands behind his head. “I know you don’t know me, but if you need an ear to listen, I can do that.”  
  
“Actually, that would be pretty nice.” Asami sits back down on the bench. “My name is Asami.”  
  
“Bumi. Pleased to meet ya, Asami.” Bumi nods his head as if he’s tipping a non-existent hat. “What’s troubling you?”  
  
“I have a less than perfect relationship with this wonderful person. They got injured pretty badly, maybe permanently, because of my stupidity and I just—I feel like shit. And I don’t know what to do.”  
  
“Hmm.” Bumi rubs his chin. “That does sound like quite the predicament. Now, don’t feel obligated, but is there more to elaborate on why the relationship is less than perfect?”  
  
“I’ve been lying to her about something… and I feel horrible. When she found out the truth, she ran and got in an accident that caused brain damage and I—” The tears start to well up in Asami’s eyes. “I don’t want to lose her, but I don’t deserve her. I’m just… I’m stuck.”  
  
“Hey now,” Bumi says quietly, scooting over just a smidge to pat Asami on the shoulder. “We can’t all be perfect, now can we?”  
  
Asami shakes her head.

“It seems to me like you really love her.”  
  
“I do.”  
  
“Well, in my experience, while I know it is not the same as yours, sometimes that’s all you need to remind yourself and them of. Be completely honest and upfront about everything, about the love, the secrets. Bare your soul, and I’m sure, in time, it will all work out.” Bumi flashes a grin at Asami and she looks at him with tear-filled eyes. She mirrors his smile and nods.  
  
“Okay, I think I can do that. Thank you… for listening.”  
  
“It’s the least I can do.” Bumi replies genuinely.  
  
Asami’s phone starts ringing and they’re both startled by the sound. The number for the hospital shows up on the screen and Asami gestures towards her phone.  
  
“I should take this. Thank you, again, Bumi. I appreciate it.”  
  
“No problem, Asami. Good luck with your girl.”  
  
Asami acknowledges his words and starts walking away, answering the call.

* * *

It takes her fifteen minutes to make it back to the hospital. When she arrives, Katara is standing by the entrance waiting for her.  
  
“She’s willing to see you, again.” Katara smiles solemnly.  
  
“Is everything okay?” Asami asks worriedly, the look on Katara’s face falling.  
  
“I do need to tell you something.” Katara trails off.  
  
“Okay, what is it?” Asami rushes out, trying not to let her impatience show.  
  
“Well, there’s good news, and there’s bad news. Which do you want first?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the cliffhanger, but.... you already know
> 
> I'm going to _**try**_ (key word: try), to update at least once a week, if not once every 7-14 days. Still a little unsure of where I want this story to end, so we're just going with the flow.


	4. Hide Your Secrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _It's not about blood and guts.  
>  And guilt and pain.  
> It's about this love we feel.  
> Which is all that matters.  
> It never dies.  
> It will last forever._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> T/W: mentions of death(ish)/minor gore (very minor) 
> 
> Also, this isn't my _favorite_ chapter. It's extremely dialogue heavy (just a head's up).

The house is eerily silent as she enters from the garage door. A lamp left on in the living room shows sight that makes her stomach drop. The coffee table was on its side, the lamp was on the floor, papers were strewn everywhere. She tip toes through the living room, hand on her gun’s holster as she sweeps the main floor for looking someone, anyone.

Once the living room and kitchen were cleared, she heads back out into the foyer, a glass chandelier swinging softly in the wind coming through an open window. She looks to her left and starts moving towards her destination. The door to the office was left ajar and she walks in, seeing the bookcase and the blue-lit passcode keypad in all its glory.

**0914**

The bookcase starts moving and she glances around as she waits. Her eyes fall on the desk next to her, droplets of blood spattered against the computer’s keyboard and a photo album. She furrows her brow as she burns holes into the carmine colored spatter. There wasn’t A LOT, but it was enough to catch her attention.

_What the hell happened here?_

A knock on the door alerts her. She paces back through the house cautiously, hands tightly gripping the pistol as she approaches the door, the knocks growing more frantically. The silhouette through the frosted glass puts her at ease as she turns the latch of the deadbolt and swings the door open.

“Opal, what the _actual fuck_ are you doing here?”

“I could ask you the same thing, Kuvira.” Opal narrows her eyes in a glare. To her right is Naga, Korra and Asami’s dog. “Why are you in their house?”

“Ugh.” A groan emits from Kuvira’s mouth as she pulls the brunette inside and slams the door shut, locking it once again. “How did you know I was here?”

“Well, I do live a couple of blocks away. I was walking Naga and saw your car in the street. Are you going to answer my question now?” Opal unleashes Naga before looking around the living room. “What the hell happened?”

“That’s why I’m here.” Kuvira rolls her eyes, watching Naga sadly sniff around the main level, whining and searching for her owners. “Ugh. You weren’t supposed to find out yet. But since you decided to be nosey, come with me.”

Kuvira drags Opal to Asami’s office and can hear a gasp leave her mouth as she sees the blood on the desk and photo album, unaware of the literal secret entrance in front of her.

“You coming?” Kuvira raises an eyebrow, hearing a loud gulp from Opal as they enter into the tunnel. She slams her fist on a button to the left of her, the door slowly starting to close behind them.

“Where are we going?”

“You’ll see.” Kuvira starts up the small little cable car that led from their house to the White Lotus headquarters.

The ride is silent, sans the echo off the wall of the car moving quickly through the tunnel. “Maybe I shouldn’t have left Naga.”

“She’s a dog in her own house, she’ll be fine.”

“But her parents aren’t there.” Opal argues.

An eyebrow is raised. “And what does that have to do with anything?”

“I mean, like what if she knows something is up? What if she acts out and starts damaging stuff?”

“No more than what Zaheer could do.” Kuvira says through gritted teeth, the cable car coming to a halt as it reached its destination.

There was a tap on her shoulder. “Uhm. Who’s Zaheer?”

“You’re about to find out.”

* * *

There was a silence that cut through the air as the words had left Katara’s mouth. Asami feared for the worst, something along the lines of ‘bad news is, Korra died for like ten minutes. Good news is, she survived after dying for ten minutes!’ or whatever other mean tricks her mind could play on her. Katara looked solemn, so Asami knew it was serious, but she was afraid to ask.  
  
“I guess, just give me the bad news first. Rip the band-aid off.”  
  
“Okay… We obviously both want Korra out of the hospital as soon as possible, but when she tried getting up, earlier, she fell. I ran another MRI and it looks like her brain injury is affecting her motor skills. She is having a lot of trouble using her hands and her legs are currently not capable of sustaining any weight to them… I don’t know if it’s permanent or temporary, it’s always hard to tell with traumatic brain injuries.” Katara ducks her head and sighs. “She’s not going to be able to walk for a while, if at all. And things like buttoning a shirt or even just using utensils may prove to be a challenge.”  
  
Asami can feel her heart crack and shatter. Once again, she started blaming herself for the condition Korra was in. She knew it was Zaheer who inflicted the physical damage to her, but she also knew that it was her fault for not stopping him when she could have.  
  
“And the good news?” Asami holds her breath.  
  
“Her cognitive functions seem to be improving. She still has a hard time processing things, but there’s no issue with her memory or her ability to think. She can have full blown, meaningful and informative conversations; she may just be a little slower.”  
  
A soft, trembling exhale leaves Asami’s mouth as she nods her head in understanding. Katara leads her into the hospital and she can once again feel the guilt rising in her chest as they approach Korra’s room. She can hear the faint noise of the television from behind the door and knocks moderately loud so that Korra can hear it over the TV.  
  
“Come in!” Korra hollers from behind the door.  
  
Asami’s shaky hand reaches for the handle and presses down cautiously. The door creaks open slowly, and she shuffles into the room, quietly closing the door behind her. Korra’s bed had been moved to a sitting up position and she was eyeing whatever show was on the TV. Asami clears her throat and grabs Korra’s attention.  
  
“Hi.” Korra breathes out as she tries to grab the remote and shut the TV off, but her hands were fumbling with it.  
  
Asami walks over and grabs Korra’s hand, placing the remote in it and using her own fingers to guide Korra’s to the power button and press it. “Here.”  
  
“Thanks…” Korra sighs.  
  
Asami shakes her head. “There’s no need to thank me.”  
  
“I meant for coming back. I’m sorry that I asked you to leave, I just needed time.” Korra looks down at her hand, a contrast of pale and tan skin flooding her vision.  
  
“You can have all the time in the world, Korra. I’ll always be here if you want me to be.” Asami goes to let go of Korra’s hand, noticing that Korra had realized she was still holding it.  
  
“Don’t…” Korra stops her. “This is… nice.”  
  
Asami nods and sits down next to Korra. “The floor is yours. You can ask whatever you want.”  
  
“Why did you want to meet me?” Korra asks, the room going silent for a few moments after.  
  
A deep breath.  
  
“Because Kuvira had recruited you. It wasn’t _my_ intention to always be anonymous, but when Zaheer…” Asami trails off, shuddering at his name. “When he infiltrated us under the pretense of wanting to help our cause to save Republic City from a dictatorship, he said it would be best if you didn’t know who we were. And I believed him. God -scoffs- I feel so stupid.”  
  
“You’re not stupid Asami, but that still doesn’t answer why…”  
  
“I wanted to meet you, as me, because I saw something in you. When Kuvira brought you in, I could just sense that you were special, that you had a heart. You were trying to save your father’s business and I get it, that it’s the reason why you initially joined, but that was just noble of you. And here I was, broken and bruised, engulfed by anger and rage… After watching you for almost a year, watching you do all of this for your family, I wanted to know you, for real. As Asami, not as The White Lotus.” Asami pauses, letting Korra process this. She knew their progress would be slow, but she didn’t mind, as long as she was in her presence. “Let me know when you’re ready for me to continue.”  
  
5 minutes pass.  
  
Then 10 minutes.  
  
Finally after 20 minutes, Korra nods. “Okay.”  
  
“When I mentioned to Zaheer that I thought it would be best for you to know who I was, my father’s file showed up on the radar. He told me that you wouldn’t go through with it if you knew that I was essentially the one who called the hit on their own dad…”

“So, instead…”  
  
“I let Zaheer get in my head. I originally thought that I was just ‘meeting’ you to make sure ‘you were trustworthy’, as he called it. But then, you know, I accidentally sent you to the hospital, again, and just seeing you be genuine, even though I know you were ‘on a mission’, how could I not have been hooked?”  
  
“Zaheer only thought of it as keeping tabs on me, but you saw it differently?” Korra asks and Asami knows her words are probably running circles around Korra’s mind, and probably not creating a single cohesive thought that Korra could understand at the moment.  
  
“Well, yeah. All he wanted me to do was meet you, talk to you a little, and leave. I obviously never intended to break your elbow. But I also think maybe it was weird, sick and twisted fate that caused that to happen; to allow us to spend the next few hours together, and I got to know the _real_ you; just as you got to know the real me, not the me I told myself I was because of my past... Not the me who killed people.” Asami shrugs.

The room goes silent, and Asami shakes her head, trying to clear her thoughts.

“Look, all I can say is from the moment that I met you in person, I don’t think I could’ve ever looked away. It was never my initial intention to fall for you, or for us to be in a relationship, but I—I just couldn’t get you out of my head. And I understand that none of this is conventional, and I know that my hands are covered in more blood than yours, but Korra… I fell in love with you, the real you. The witty, smart, funny, caring, and genuine you. And I wouldn’t change that for the world. I only wish that I would have had to the backbone to stand up for myself, and for us, and tell you the truth sooner.”  
  
“How did Zaheer take over? I guess I know that you started the White Lotus, but how did he get so powerful that he made both of us fear for each other’s safety?”  
  
Asami sighs. “I’m not 100% sure _exactly_ how it went down. I’m having Kuvira run his files right now. But I do know that he worked for Tarrlok, the man who drove my dad insane. Tarrlok took away the medical insurance my mother was on, then price gouged the cost of her chemotherapy and medication. This was before Future Industries was a thing, so my dad couldn’t afford her care and she passed away.”  
  
Korra blinks a few times.  
  
“You still with me?”  
  
“Yeah.”  
  
“When my dad started Future Industries, he had an assistant that he passed on to me, Zaheer. Little did either of us know, but he worked for Tarrlok and was originally trying to infiltrate Future Industries for our resources in weapon building. However, when I was 22, I had come home from college to see Tarrlok leaving what is now our house. I ran inside to find my dad in his office, crazily and angrily scribbling on blueprints, notepads, whiteboards… I tried to get through to him, but he wouldn’t listen. All he kept saying over and over was ‘I wish he was dead’. A few days later he moved out and left me the house, saying he needed a new place to start over. I started watching my dad deteriorate mentally because of Tarrlok. I would start taking his meetings at work. He’d stay holed up in his new warehouse that he had built. I finally thought that enough was enough.”  
  
“What happened next?”  
  
“I snuck into City Hall one night and killed Tarrlok. I went through his files, saw the plans he had to try and rule Republic City and a list of names he had under his belt. And thus, here we are now. The only name that didn’t show up in Tarrlok’s files was Zaheer. And when he found out that I started the White Lotus, he wanted in… to use it to complete Tarrlok’s plan.”

“Is that why Zhu Li is your assistant now?”  
  
“Mhmm.” Asami stifles a chuckle. Out of all that she had explained, that’s the thing that Korra picked up on. But she knows she shouldn’t be laughing, because she knows that Korra had just been through hell and back.  
  
“Thank you for telling me the truth.” Korra presses her lips together in a small smile.  
  
“You know I’d do anything for you.” Asami assures. “You could tell me to fuck off and leave you alone forever and I would, if it’d make you happy. I just want you to live the life you deserve. No lies, no one coming after you. And I’d love to be a part of that life, but I also understand that I’ve done some unforgiveable things and that you may just need to let me go.”  
  
“I wouldn’t tell you to fuck off, though.” Korra looks down, Asami’s hand still holding on to hers. “Look, I had time to think about it while you were gone and I do love you, a lot actually. And I do understand why you lied to me; I mean it’s the same reason I lied to you… My grandma told me we were probably going to be stuck in Harbor City for a while given my condition, and I was thinking… Maybe we can take this time to try and work on things? I don’t want to let you go, not if we can’t try and help it.”  
  
“I’d like that.” Asami nods, tears filling her eyes, giving Korra’s hand a small squeeze. “But only if this is what you want to do.”  
  
“Asami, we’ve both done unforgiveable things. We’ve both got blood on our hands. But the feeling that I get when I’m with you, regardless of the circumstances, that’s unchangeable. It may take me awhile to forgive you, but I don’t want to forget you. Nor do I want you gone from my life. Even through all the shit we both put each other through, you are still one of the best parts of my life, and I’m not ready to lose you.”  
  
“I’m not ready to lose you either.”  
  
“Fresh start?”  
  
“Fresh start.” Asami smiles.  
  
“Wait.” Korra’s eyes go wide in fear.  
  
“What?” Asami looks around the room as if Korra saw something that was going to harm them.  
  
“What are we going to tell my parents?”

* * *

“Kuvira?” Opal is hiding behind Kuvira, looking at the entrance to Asami’s secret White Lotus headquarters. There was a button similar to the one at the other end of the tunnel. A button that, Opal assumed, opened the door. “What exactly is behind that door?”  
  
“All of our hidden secrets.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters in one week? Who am I?  
> (I've been writing on my breaks at work, so that helps a lot).  
> Next chapter will probably take a little longer, however.
> 
> I know a lot of you saw the archive warning...  
> The only thing I can confirm is yes, someone will die.
> 
> That's it.
> 
> Thanks for reading!

**Author's Note:**

> WELCOME BACK. Not that I was gone for long, but I just want to let y'all know that these updates may take longer than the previous story because I'm a procrastinator and had most of the other story written out and planned before posting. This is kind of like a base plan that I'm going with.
> 
> Thanks for reading :)


End file.
